This is it?

For me, life isn’t much different than it was when I was in school. And not because I am being lame and just doing the cop-out. Because for a week and a half after graduation, life was great. I could come home from work and do have little or no resposibilities. There wasn’t homework to be done, tests to stress over, or classes to register for. I could just come home and do whatever come into my mind until the next morning. I was able to put a lot of time into music, and biking, and reading, etc. It was great.

All the while, I’ve been doing a little bit of work here and there for Fuor, a company that some friends and I are slowly getting off the ground. Late last week, though, we got the go ahead on several project at the same time, and they all need to launch by September 1st (this Saturday). So, we’ve been scambling trying to get the work done in time. That has turned into me working late last Friday night, from noon until about eleven on Saturday, from 3:00 to 10:00 on Sunday, and from shortly after I get home until midnight every night this week so far.

So, life is feeling much like it did when school was in full swing. Probably even a bit worse. Fortunately, the work I’m doing for Fuor is a lot of fun, and it hasn’t been super-stressful in of itself yet. It’s just taking up a lot of time.

Still, post-college life is highly recommended.

I was actually in class for less than twenty minutes, because all we had to do was take a 36-question multiple choice test. As I finally filled in the last of the thousands of answer bubbles I’ve filled during my college career, I sat there in the classroom in quiet reflection. The back of the room was lit while the front set of lights were switched off, and with the fading sunlight seeping in through the half-open blinds on the windows, the room had a soft, relaxing atmosphere. Though I was done with my test, I figured that since it was likely the last time that I would sit in a college classroom as a student, I shouldn’t be in a huge rush to leave. And since I’m possibly one of the most sentimental people to ever walk our great Earth, I wanted to kind of savor my final moments of college. So, there I sat, thinking back over my college career, and it’s slow progression over the past six years.

And then I left. Though I’ve not technically graduated yet, college is pretty much behind me.

This means I get a raise, right? …right? …hello?

Well, today is my first last day of school. After tonight, I will never go to class again for the first time. At least not as an undergrad. And that’s a pretty nice feeling.

Almost… there…

Lord willing, I’ll be a college graduate two days before I turn 24.

Knock on wood.

With regard to my college education, it seems like every time I take two steps forward, the universe erupts. And then through the rubble, I take three steps back. The latest setback: finances.

Little did I know, but tuition at UTD does not use a base per-credit-hour pricing scheme. They instead charge by the semester, with a set semester price based on how many hours you take. The more hours you take in any given semester, the less each credit hour costs. For example, a semester of 4 classes costs $3,350, which comes out to about $837 per class, plus a few extra fees here and there. A semester of one (1) class, on the other hand, costs $1,200 plus those same fees. That’s almost a third more. My final bill for one (1) class comes out to $1,400 exactly. I paid $2,700 for 3 classes just this Spring. Those two extra classes were less than I’m paying for the one.

I had no idea. Had I known, I probably would have tried to knock out 12 hours this past semester as opposed to 9. It would have cost me $735 instead of $1,400. Yeah, that’s right. Half price.

Nuts.

I was planning on paying for tuition with my initial three-month bonus from work, which could be anywhere up to $1,000. Unfortunately, even if I do get straight A’s in my review, I’m still $400 shy. As luck (and God almighty) would have it, UTD lets you pay in installments. So, I only need to pay $700 up front, but I’ll still have to come up with $350 a month for the following two months. I realize that $1,400 is really nothing compared to most college tuitions, but considering that I was expecting to have a little cash left over after paying for my Summer class, this all adds up to equal a significant, long-reaching setback.

Thus begins the aptly named Summer of Ramen.

I haven’t either. But, after spending $173.85 for a 400-page paperback textbook, I’m starting to think that they should branch out.

It looks like “The Invisible Hand” just gave me the finger.

So, you’re having a rough day. You’re just kind of worn out, tired, and beat down. You feel the need to express your frustrations and weariness, so you just mention to your guy friends, “Phew… what a day. Work was long and hectic, then I had school all night. Boy am I tired!” And your guy friends respond with one of a few responses.

Option 1: “My day was crazy too, man. Let me tell you about it…” Technically, they’re probably trying to just relate to you, but in the situation, it seems like they’re trying to one up you. “You think YOU’RE day was rough…”

Option 2: “Well, at least you’re not working weekends, or taking more than 3 classes, like our mutual friend, <Insert Mutual Friend<” Again, he’s probably trying to make you feel better by comparing you to worse situations. At least you’re not HIM…

Option 3: “Why don’t you drop some of your classes? Or go to bed earlier? Or work fewer hours?” This is when we try to fix the problem. Men are fixers. It’s what we do. It’s not what we do best, but it is what we do. Unfortunately, this is not a situation that needs “fixing.” Just venting.

Option 4: (Unrealistic) “Oh, man. That sounds rough, dude. I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now. I’m sure it’ll get better soon. The semester will be over before you know it.” Obviously, that’s now how guys generally respond to another guy expressing frustration with life. But, that’s what I’m looking for sometimes. And women tend to be much better at sympathizing than guys. And I’m living with three guys and have few close relationships with young ladies.

Sympathy is in short demand.

Maybe the other thing worth mentioning is something that the charismatic professor of my “Social & Political Environment of Business” class said during the course introduction tonight. Or, rather, what said statement got me to thinking. He basically said that nobody, neither individual nor business controls their own destiny. We can influence it, but we can’t control it, he says.

Hmm… sorry, Matt Foley, but I don’t exactly agree.

Anyone’s success is not completely within their control. I agree there. There are outside influences beyond anyone’s control that would hinder or support their success. Again, agreement all around. Success, in any sense or application is beyond any and every person’s individual control. I study and work my tail off for a class, but my success in that class is still within the hands of the professor. I start a business, and no matter how strategic my model and marketing are, there could still be a more successful competitor, or less responsive customers, etc etc. Ad infinitum.

On to my point. It requires some outside force, be it luck, karma, divine intervention, fortune, or some combination of them for me, or anyone else to succeed. No amount of work, dedication or skill can guarantee success. Yet, at the same time, I am completely capable of failing without any assistance. And failing violently, at that. An interesting paradox, no doubt.

I’m no philosopher, so I really can’t-slash-don’t-want-to take this concept as far as someone else might. I could take it further and discuss how, depending on your Calvinistic tendencies, we may actually not have any control over our destiny, one way or another. If we fail, it is because it was preordained, not because we chose to be. Yadda yadda. Frankly, I’m just too lazy to take that road. I choose to fail in my philosophical analysis. Failure complete.

I’ll take a slightly less philosophical route, instead. That route being that I think that it is this particular fact of life that leads many people to fail. Though they may not cognitively recognize it, they realize that no matter how hard they try, they may still not get far in life. So, why even try? If we strive for mediocrity, we’ll almost always hit it. Better yet, if we strive for failure, we will always hit it. But, in that case, if you strive for failure and you fail, then technically you succeeded at failing, so I guess I’m kind of disproving my own point. And by pointing that out, my attempts to fail at being philosophical are failing. Further disproving my own point. This post has taken a turn for the worst, which three paragraphs ago, I would have not have thought possible.

Random side-note: I am always amazing myself, not in a flattering sense, but in a morbid, curious, “dear lord, how is that even possible” kind of way. I set out to write one thing, and by the time I’m done, it’s something completely different. If you were hitherto not convinced of that, then the very existence of this paragraph should offer the conclusive, case-winning proof.

At this point, this post is well beyond reconciliation, but for some strange reason, I like it. I think it’s characteristically “me” in it’s randomness, so I’m not going to go back and try to clean it up. Much. It will also serve to filter out my “real” friends. Because, if you have gotten this far through this post, then you, sir or madame, are a beautiful human being, and a friend for life. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Ahh… coffee…

It’s weird to sit here on my bed, or rather the mattress sitting on the floor of my new room, ’cause I haven’t bought a bed yet, and not have something else that I should be doing. I have that same nagging voice as always that’s telling me that there’s schoolwork to be done. Only, now there isn’t. That voice is a liar. Not that I ever paid attention to it, even when there was work to be done.

It just makes me wonder how long it will take me to transition out of that school-time mode once-and-for-all when I finally graduate. I’ve been in school with little break since was barely 5. That’s 80% of my life, and like 90% of the life I can actually remember. So, I imagine it will be no quick switch. I’ll probably wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, stressing over finals for a year or two after I graduate. I guess I’ll find out soon enough, eh?

Well, all that long rambling to say, another semester under my belt.

16 down, 1 to go.