September 29, 2009
I'm Not Gay
I thought I start this post off with a solid, immaculate truth. I’m not gay. Now there’s truth if ever there was such a thing. Moving forward, let’s all keep that irrefutable fact firmly placed at the forefront of our minds. Because the rest of this post could possibly be used to refute said irrefutability without proper context. That context being that I’m not gay. Apologies for the redundancy; I just want to make sure that we’re all on the same page here.
But, seriously, I’m not.
So, I have a crush on Chris Martin. And Tom Welling. Mat Kearney. Gerard Butler. Sean Bean. The list goes on. Man crushes. Some may deny it, but in my almost complete lack of experience on the subject, most men have them. If not, they’re either foolishly blind to the charm, wit, and coolness of other men, or they’re actually gay and trying to hide it.
It’s a strange thing, a man crush – or a “mush” as I’ve never once heard anybody call it. In fact, the name “man crush” is a little more provocative than it should be. But what was first a concept that, by name alone, disgusted me and caused me to rebel against it, I now understand and embrace whole-heartedly.
Irrefutable.
You see, a man crush not at all a typical, romantic crush at all; it’s more of an idealization. For me, it boils down to someone in whom I see an epitome of manliness in one way or another that I wish I had. For instance, Chris Martin and Mat Kearney – aside from being fantastic songwriters and musicians – both fully embody what I consider “cool” in the purest sense; down to earth, raw, and unabashedly sexy. Gerard Butler is rugged and aloof with a Scottish accent that could make a hyena swoon. Sean Bean has a timeless class generally reserved for monarchy and expensive cologne models. Tom Welling is – well, frankly he’s kind of a tool; but damned if he isn’t one of the hottest men alive.
The point is that all of these guys have something that I desperately wish I did. Be it charm, talent, or just plain old-fashioned, double-t hott, they have it. And though I’m a little hesitant to admit it, there is a slight sexual aspect to the man-crush equation, and that is just the general envy of the man crush’s sex appeal. He’s got it. I want it. Teach me, sir.
It’s almost like how an aspiring football player views Payton Manning, Tony Romo or Jerry McQuire. They’re heroes; inspiration; a model to strive for. Except instead of their ability to catch, throw or manage a football, mushes are thus just because they are men. Damn fine men.
And, I mean, let’s just be honest here. These are some good looking fellas! Am I wrong? Are you honestly going to tell me, Mr. Manly Man McStud, that you see nothing in these men except blokes vying for your position as alpha male? C’mon!! They’re attractive guys!! If you can look at a flock of seagulls, a painting, a sunset, or a sports car and call it pretty, then why not a man? Especially if it’s a man whose qualities inspire me to be a better man myself and simultaneously wish I was born a woman.
Now, I’ve heard that man-crushes are a result of the emasculation of males in modern western culture. Men today are not men, and our subconscious is quietly aware of this. We’re trying to reach out and connect with a part of ourselves that we didn’t even know we didn’t have. Blah blah blah. You know what? At the end of the day, I don’t care. I want to be with and just plain be Mat Kearney. I don’t care why I feel like that, I just want to know how I can make one or both of those things happen, and happen now.
But I’m not gay.
Holy crap that is one absolutely hilarious write-up.
Not only do I fully agree with and support all of this, I just about lost a lung, laughing so hard.
My man-crush list is far too long for a comment on a blog, but know that I’m right there with you. You defined it perfectly, too; An idealization, an element of character that you admire or aspire to. I love it.
I aspire to have a glance of doom and destruction like Brad Pitt, and a “Yeah, I can crush your skull with my pinkies” persona like the 70′s – early 90′s Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It’s almost like looking up to a dad that’s not your dad. When I was younger, my dad was the king of all things manly, and shoot, he still is in a lot of ways. Why am I not allowed to admire other men in the same way?
“He’s a great man. I would trust him with my life.”
That’s basically saying, “I have a huge man-crush on <insert name>.”
Your dad IS the king of all things manly. I would trust him with my life.
…
So is yours.
Caleb, this my friend, is an incredible post. We should be able to tout our man-crushes unabashedly. A few of mine include: Christian Bale / Justin Timberlake / Bear Grylls / George Clooney.
Girls have girl crushes too! All based on admiration.
Tom Welling is definitely on the list, as is the Pitt. Chad Michael Murray, Zac Effron, Dave Annable and a list of several NHL guys are also there too.
@Josiah – I think you’re on to something there about it being like looking up to a dad that’s not our dad.
I think our “men crushes” or “mushes” as I will now call them, come out of the desire in our hearts to be like our Father in Heaven. I remember reading that book “Wild At Heart” a number of years ago and feeling the intensity in my heart to go out and climb Mt. Everest or leap over a building in a single bound. It’s the perfect book to help bring out your inner-most “William Wallace” or “Maximus Decimus Meridius”.
It makes sense now to explain why I get such an adrenaline rush whenever I watch the fight scenes in movies like Braveheart, Gladiator or 300. There are things in men that only can be intensified by other men. Not sexually speaking, but we feed off each other’s adrenaline. Don’t believe me, just look at sports.
My list of mushes would have to include Brad Pitt (in Fight Club), Mel Gibson (in Braveheart), Russell Crowe (in Gladiator) and Adrian Brody in any movie.
This post is just awesome. And I will never deny my man crushes on Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Gene Kelly, Bret McKenzie, and Theodore Roosevelt.
Also, nice RAINBOW under your name up at the top of the screen, Mr. Not Gay.
It’s about freaking time somebody had the balls to come out and blog about this. It’s no surprise to me that you are that man.
@MollyB I think the female side of this would be fascinating to hear as well. Seeing as how we don’t hear about that near as often as Man Crushes. I encourage you to get on that ASAP.
There is nothing gay at all about joining “fight club” just so you can get demolished by the hottest man alive in hopes that some of his blood might mix with yours and possibly pass on some of his shear sexiness…not at all.
@josiah @cabeeb, I believe we all 3 share that feeling for our fathers, seeing as how they, united, could destroy this earth in a matter of minutes.
My name is Shelby Cook, and I approve of this blog post (and I’m not gay either).
P.S. Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, Clive Owen, Daniel Craig, Justin Timberlake, David Beckham, Mat Kearney, John Mayer ect. ect.
Can girls have Man Crushes?
I say yes.
I could rattle off a dozon actors off the top of my head who I love seeing in action–frankly put, being men. This is why movies like Hellboy and 16 Blocks can completely grab my attention. As a woman, I can enjoy watching this. Not even necessarily in a romantic way. Just in an entirely satisfying experience of seeing a man embody what a man should be. Good word, brother.
Goodness, Caleb. This was a very bold topic to choose so soon after your relaunch. Nevertheless, it appears that your audience has had nothing but positive feedback so far. And Molly is very right. I have many girl-crushes that I would have been hesitant to mention out loud– that is, until today.
Miranda Cosgrove, for instance, won my heart the day that she earned the lead role in Nickelodeon’s hit series, iCarly.
Okay so first off great post! “Mush” it is…
I concur with @Charles about Christian Bale, you need to see ‘Empire of the Sun’ if you haven’t.
Caleb this post rocked it. I agree that Gerard Butler = Hot Tamales.
OMG!!! Love it! So incredibly awesome and I must say sexy to be so secure in your manliness. Its about time men admit that other men are attractive or admirable. In doing so they don’t demean themselves but rather highlight the qualities they aspire to attain. As a female I complete agree with your assessment of Gerard Butler and Sean Bean, not that they need anymore validation. Hotness was bestowed upon them in large neon Vegas-style lighting over their respective cradles.
As for the female crushes, society in general is more accepting of them as platonic expressions of approbation and affection. So while my fem-crushes on Meryl Streep, Brandie Carlile and Scarlett Johannson don’t quite evoke the same shock and dismay. I completely agree that it is a testament to the sex crazed nature of our society that it becomes a question of sexuality.
Ba-freaking-rilliant! I’m glad I know you mister!
And I quote: “Gerard Butler is rugged and aloof with a Scottish accent that could make a hyena swoon.” – Best EVAAR!!
Ha ha! Good call. A conversation that another friend and I had just a few of months ago.
I just want to say that my brother and I sat here and read your post a couple of times, debating whether or not the title is a true statement.
*pssh* … you’re not foolin’ me. … Let’s make out.
Ha! Daniel has a ‘Mush’ on Matt Damon, though he’s loathe to admit it. Oh, and one correction: “Payton Manning, DREW BREES or Jerry McQuire.” You’re welcome. :-) Very insightful comment, Kyle. Your choice of Adrien Brody takes it to another level, the ‘why we have crushes on people we resemble’ level. Uh-huh. My main girl crush (or ‘Gush’) has always been Cate Blanchett, who is even MORE fabulous in person than on screen (seriously!).
Hey just wanted to give a hey yo over your obsession for Mat Kearney!! I think he is the hottest guy (music wise and physicallly) out there! Seth Green also tops my list. Mat Kearney has a beautiful voice, and he and I made contact at his concert last July (check my Facebook page)…even though it was brief…we connected…and I got to shake his hand at the end of the night…not really formal because he was doing it to everyone else, but hopefully when he comes to Des Moines again this April I can actually “talk” to him, even if it’s a few words! He rules!!!!!! Best song is Breathe In, Breathe Out!!!
i love the acting skills of Gerard Butler. he is definitely a great action star.;:”